Weekend TV Top 10: 29-04-2011

Hello and welcome to our weekly series where we highlight the best films to watch over the weekend. The Royal Wedding of William and Kate got in the way yesterday but Saturday and Sunday still offer some enjoyable uses of your time. See what films are on offer, after the jump.

Director Of The Month Film Review: Paul Thomas Anderson - There Will Be Blood

Rating: 7/10

There Will Be Blood is bound to be a difficult film for anyone to get through. It tries to cover a highly detailed novel but loses a sense of narrative. However, the acting performances are exceptional and there are nuances of brilliance, which make it worthwhile.

DVD Review: Megamind

Rating 7.2/10 - Very Good

From the director of Madagascar 1 and 2 comes the hilariously funny Megamind. An unsuccessful super-villain trying to take over the city, but his plans are continually halted by his good-guy nemesis Mega Man, the handsome superhero with a jaw like a brick. But the roles are reversed when Megamind needs to become the hero and instead of destroying the city, he has to save it. Read more after the jump.

DVD Review: Tron: Legacy

Rating: 6.5/10 - Good

Walt Disney’s sci-fi epic movie Tron: Legacy will take you into a digital game world where you find yourself being drawn into all the action and sitting on the edge of your seat. It is full of action and adventure using a brilliant graphics and special effects to transport you into another world.

Film Review: Arthur

Rating: 4/10 - Bad





Arthur is a weak comedy featuring a comedian who is becoming too comfortable with his hackneyed jokes. British Russell Brand, who recently married American Katy Perry, has decided to enter the US entertainment world with films like Arthur and Get Him To The Greek. Get Him To The Greek was quite funny. Arthur is stale.



Director: Jason Winer. Screenplay: Peter Baynham. Story: Steve Gordon. Producers: Larry Brezner, Kevin McCormick, Chris Bender and Michael Tadross. Cinematography: Uta Briesewitz. Studio: Warner Bros. Pictures. Starring:Russell Brand, Helen Mirren and Jennifer Garner. Running Time: 110 Minutes. Age Restriction: 10 (ML)

This movie is a remake of a Dudley Moore and Liza Minnelli film released in 1981. I have not seen that version before but I assume it was better than this boring take from Mr Brand.

Brand plays playboy rascal Arthur Bach, who will inherit $950m if he marries heiress, Susan Johnson, played by the boring Jennifer Garner. Arthur's mother, Vivienne (Geraldine James) thinks Susan will make something out of him.

What follows is a film about a rich guy considering what is important in life. It's predictable.

When it comes to movies about rich guys and how they relate to the world, I much prefer Mr Deeds. Released in 2002, Mr Deeds, a remake of a Frank Capra film, starred Adam Sandler as an idiot-type who inherits oodles of cash. It was one of Sandler's warmer performances even if it was Sandler doing his usual, idiot who the audience just cannot not feel for. It also featured the brilliant character actor, John Turturro.

But, Sandler plays bumbling fool well. Brand does not come across as a fool. He is not supposed to be but he is just so pretentious. Maybe his character is supposed to be pretentious in this fim? Yet, for much of his stand-up and acting career now, he has been pretentious. I feel that his stand-up and acting careers should have more differences between them. He should at least be able to play different characters as a comedic actor. Maybe a person who has not seen Brand in any guise before will enjoy Arthur.

Nevertheless, he needs to make more of an effort or whoever directs him in his next film needs to make more of an effort. He used to be highly rated as a shock comedian in the UK but he is not shocking anyone in the US.

Alistair Anderson

Arthur is showing now at cinemas throughout SA.

Hot New Trailer: Transformers: Dark Of The Moon

Paramount Pictures and DreamWorks have just released the new theatrical trailer Transformers: Dark Of The Moon. To refresh your memories I have included the synopsis (via IMDB) and the first two trailers from the film.

Synopsis:
The Autobots Bumblebee, Ratchet, Ironhide and Sideswipe led by Optimus Prime, are back in action, taking on the evil Decepticons, who are determined to avenge their defeat in 2009s Transformers Revenge of the Fallen. In this new movie, the Autobots and Decepticons become involved in a perilous space race between the U.S. and Russia, and once again human Sam Witwicky has to come to the aid of his robot friends. There's new characters too, including a new villain in the form of Shockwave, a longtime "Transformers" character who rules Cybertron while the Autobots and Decepticons battle it out on Earth. 
Next up is the so-called Announcement Trailer:



Then there is the Super Bowl TV spot which has been showing on local TV lately:



And finally, we have the brand new trailer for you... after the jump.

Misdirection

"You can please some of the people all of the time, you can please all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time." Abraham Lincoln. This is also true for some directors, capable of delivering memorably good films, but also particularly disappointing failures. Let’s look at some of their best and worst work.

Bardem Joins Stephen King Adaptation

Mulitple award winner Javier Bardem has signed to star as Roland Deschain in Hollywood hit machines, Ron Howard and Brian Grazer's adaptation of Stephen King’s The Dark Tower, TotalFilm confirmed on Thursday.

Soccer Movies

Few films have been made about the beautiful game of soccer. Instead, Hollywood has focused on its major sports, Baseball, American Football and even Basketball and Ice Hockey.





SA has not made any blockbuster or independent fictional soccer films that I can remember. Yet, besides the English and Spanish, even the Tibetans have made a film about kicking a round ball around.

The Cup, made by Tibetans, pictured above, was released in 1999 and had monks checking out soccer legend, Ronaldo's haircut, and, based on this, thinking he was a monk too.

While SA waits to see its national sport, soccer on celluloid, here is a look at bunch of films that were made about that sport.

Escape to Victory was released in 1981. It is one of the few soccer films to feature real players but the play is far-fetched and the acting is hammy. It has Pele, Bobby Moore and Osvaldo Ardiles in it. Then Sly Stallone and Michael Caine deliver two rotten performances in it.

The Cup, as mentioned above, was more entertaining, even if it did not deal with soccer and its rules as directly.

The plot of The Cup involves two young Tibetan monks who are soccer fans, living in a Himalayan monastery in India. Their major goal in the film is to get a television so that they can watch the 1998 Soccer World Cup Final.

It is a cute film that looks at the concept of delayed gratification.

A film that does well with looking at a part of British football history is 2009’s The Damned United. It tells the story of Brian Clough, a famous British soccer manager. The film, based on a novel, follows Clough’s work at Derby County and Leeds United. This was where he upset officials, fans and players. He then won European titles at Nottingham Forest.

Clough is played by Michael Sheen, who is famous for impersonating Tony Blair in movies. He also does a rather good David Frost.

Timothy Spall plays Peter Taylor, Clough’s assistant manager. Their chemistry between the two actors is excellent and the film is very entertaining.

Shaolin Soccer was released in 2001. It also does not show accurate football. It is very creative though. Actor-Director Stephen Chow meshes soccer and kung-fu into a crazy film.

A Shaolin monk soccer team takes on a corporate-type soccer team. It is fun but it just is not true to the laws of soccer but maybe the spirit of it.

Lastly, I want to mention, Bend It Like Beckham (2002). This film launched the career of the English actress who loves to pout and show audiences her teeth, Keira Knightley. It also has Bollywood elements and, for people who remember, a cameo from MTV UK presenter, Trey.

It is easy to get behind the characters and dance along to the soundtrack. The football actually looks real too.

Now, anyone interested in making a local soccer film with me?

Alistair Anderson

American Reunion Release Date

The next ‘American’ instalment American Reunion is set to be released on 6 April 2012. The original American Pie crew are set to all gather back on screen for a sort of reunion.

Box Office Preview: 28-04-2011

Welcome to our weekly preview of all the latest films that will be opening in local cinemas this weekend. Our duty is to inform you on what to see and what to avoid so that you don't spend your hard earned money on duds that should've never been given the production greenlight in the first place. Check out the full list of new releases after the jump.

The South African Box Office Report

Due to the Public Holidays over the last few days I haven't yet received the Box Office results for last weekend and so as a result there will be no South African Box Office Report this week. Things should be back to normal next week.

Hot New Trailer: Harry Potter And The Deathly Hallows Part 2

Earlier this morning Warner Bros. Pictures released the first trailer for the final Harry Potter film. Check it now out after the jump.

Paul Walker To Star In South African Written And Directed Film

Reuters has reported that Fast and the Furious series lead actor Paul Walker will star in another film involving automobiles. This role will be written and directed by Mukunda Michael Dewil, called Vehicle 19.

Can We Handle Another Ice Age?

The first Ice Age was hilarious; I was still quite young when it came out so obviously it became my favourite movie which I watched at least 10 times (no joke). I loved all the characters and knew all the funny lines off by heart....ok almost ALL the lines actually. The fourth Ice Age is due to come out next year and I’m afraid they are going to ruin my childhood favourite.

Is This Seat Taken?

Imagine renting a new action DVD to watch with the family and without warning a steamy love scene comes on, you start squirming in your seat, feeling the awkwardness of parental eyes watching the movie you had chosen. You think this is the worst movie ever, but is it really?

Director Of The Month Film Review: Paul Thomas Anderson - Magnolia

Rating: 8.1/10 - Excellent

Magnolia is another Paul Thomas Anderson (PTA) film that features a large ensemble cast every character is an important piece of the narrative puzzle. This is one of those brilliant, masterfully made films that can't be fully explained in a normal film review without writing a 10 000 word thesis and even then you would still come woefully short from fully elaborating on all the various themes, meanings and religious subtexts that PTA has artfully woven into this film's fabric. The least complex way to describe the film's plot is through a brief discussion of each of the films major characters and how they relate to each other and the story as a whole.

Arnie Is A Terminator Again

The Governator is a terminator again but the director chosen to oversee his return is a questionable choice and an actual film could be a long way off.



Arnold Schwarzenegger is leaving politics to be a film star again. He is set to return with one of the roles that made him "big" as an actor, that of the Terminator.

New Writers In The Mix

We all watch movies for the first time but still know what is going to happen, when it will happen and how it’s going to happen. Movies seem have become so predictable, with the very rare exception of a few.

It's Hammertime! Check Out Some Thor Trailers And Video Clips Before It's Friday Release

Thor is being released in South African cinemas this Friday but there will be some sneak previews showing at selected Ster-Kinekor and NuMetro theatres on Wednesday and Thursday night. In anticipation of it's release, I have collected most of the trailers and clips from the film in one single post which you can check out after the jump.

Stars To The Extreme

They are on constant diets, exercise two times a day, five to seven times a week. These are the lives of actors, they chose their careers and sacrifices must be made. But, there are times that some actors go to the extreme for a part, to portray their character as truly as possible.

Charlize Theron for her Oscar-winning performance as Aileen Wuornos in Monster.

Charlize had gained 30 pounds in the period of four months to transform her model-like physique into the tough woman of the streets.

Renée Zellweger did it twice.

Renée gained 20 pounds respectfully for each of the Bridget Jones movies. With her tinny 163cm frame she gobbled down many sugary snacks to transform herself into the big bottomed Bridget Jones.

Matt Damon’s role as Mark Whitacre in the 2009 film The Informant

Matt gained a whopping 30 pounds. By eating the way he did in college his 38 year old body just started piling it on.

The number one extreme transformation is Christian Bale for his role as an industrial worker suffering from insomnia in The Mechanist.

Christian lost an incredible 63 pounds by only consuming coffee and an apple a day.

These actors have gone to the extreme to give justice to their characters and in doing so have brought them to life. We thank you for your dedication, but please maintain those gorgeous bodies so that we can see more of you in the future.

The Good, The Bad And The Bloody Of Vampire Movies

The continuous vampire sacrilege scourge that is the Twilight series of films will eventually end, but, before it does, here's a look at a bunch of vampire films:

The Pleasure Of Being Scared

There’s blood everywhere, your best friend is lying decapitated on the floor and you know you will be next; it is still out there, lurking in the shadows, waiting for you. This is a typical scene from most horror movies; the viewer is terrified by fear, but is unable to look away, maybe even enjoying the terror. Why do people like watching horror movies?

Afrikaans Rom-Com

The first Afrikaans romantic comedy is soon to begin filming. The film, titled Semi Soet, has a cast of very well known Afrikaans actors and actresses.

Film Review: Superhelde

Rating: 5.6/10



You would be forgiven for thinking Superhelde was another sequel the Afrikaans comedy Bakgat as it consists of the same cast. Ivan Botha from Bakgat 1 and 2, he also plays a brooding artist in 7de Laan; Neil Sharim – Bakgat 1 and 2; Lelia Estebeth- Bakgat 2 and 2, Ciska Kruger Botha – Bakgat 1 and 2, you get the idea.

Back To School, Back To Reality

Fans of the director who amazingly gets worse with every film, M Night Shyamalan are raising money to send him back to film school.

Film Review: Sucker Punch

Rating: 4.3/10 - Bad

Zack Snyder (300, Watchmen) is back with another film containing eye-popping visuals and eye-popping babes to boot. Question is: Is there any real content to go with the eye candy or are we just going to be bombarded with cool imagery with no proper story behind it? Find out after the jump.

Film Review: Mars Needs Moms

Rating: 4/10 - Bad

Mars needs moms is based on a children’s book by the cartoonist Berkeley Breathed. It involves a race of harsh Martian women who overcome their men and kidnap Earth mothers because of their superior child-rearing skills. The story follows a young boy on a quest to rescue his mom from the Martians.

Musicians who try to act too

Pop stars have entered the film world with mixed results. Only some stuck to roles that are similar to their music careers. This has not necessarily led to good acting performances. Prince, pictured above, was decent in Purple Rain as a kid who wants to make it big in music, but he was terrible in Under the Cherry Moon.

Many pop stars enjoy performing, which may prompt them to try acting too as they can then express themselves through a different medium. They can also take on a second career and earn more money, if they wish. However, not every singer makes a good actor.

Rapper 50 Cent was awful in the movie, Get Rich or Die Tryin'. He plays a drug dealer with hip hop dreams. He's a walking stereotype and we don't care about him. He wastes our time; that's all.

Eminem did a much better job with 8 Mile. Yes, he plays himself but the film is well-directed and entertaining. It has humour and cool rap battles. Eminem is a man possessed when he's rapping in the film, kudos to him. The soundtrack was good too.

Music folks can also do comedy, sometimes. Snoop Dogg captured the character of Huggy Bear brilliantly in the Starsky and Hutch remake. Yet, Steve Tyler and Christina Milian were part of the big pile of swamp turd that was Be Cool. This film is a shoddy sequel to the clever Get Shorty.

Singers and rock stars do not have to megalomaniacs and take on leading roles in serious films, which they may mess up. Jack White played a quiet but likeable character in Cold Mountain.

Alanis Morissette played God in Dogma. She didn't have to speak which made her more believable as an supernatural being.

Finally, the best performance by a musician in a film has to be Bjork in Dancer in the Dark. Her character works to look after a son even though she is suffering from a disease which will make her go blind eventually. She finds strength in musicals.

One notable rock star I cannot end this post without referring to, is David Bowie. He was O.K. in The Hunger, awful in The Prestige and exceptional in Labyrinth. His performance in Labyrinth was referenced in the television masterpiece Flight of the Conchords. Interestingly, it is chosen as an era of Bowie as Ziggy Stardust was, but it was a film role and not a career persona.

Alistair Anderson

Weekend TV Top 10: Easter Weekend Special

Hello and welcome to our special Easter Weekend edition of the Weekend TV Top 10. Unlike most weekends where we highlight the best films to watch on TV from Friday evening until Sunday night, this time we will cover the entire Easter Weekend starting Thursday evening until Monday night. See what those films are after the jump.

Hollywood Monsters

Every night thousands of kids look underneath their beds and inside their closets, making sure no evil monsters lurk in the shadows. I must confess after, very rarely, watching a monster movie, I too have to make sure the coast is clear before switching off the lights. Hollywood has created some horrific creatures in the past, below follows some of my most memorable.

Jeepers Creepers is a demonic monster that awakens every 23rd spring to feed on human beings for 23 days. The Creeper seeks out his victims according to the body part he needs, after consuming that body part the Creeper is able to regenerate that same part of his body. There are few things scarier than a flesh eating monster warning you of his approach by way of a creepy song.

Steven Spielberg’s Jaws will forever be burned into our minds every time we go near the beach, even innocent seaweed might be mistaken for a vicious man eating shark waiting to attack. The 50 foot, 12 ton shark became a household fear; parents watched more carefully as their kids played in the water, lifeguards were seen as brave and fearless and flair guns was a must have for every boat trip. Jaws will forever be one of the scariest sea monsters.

The carnivorous T-Rex in Jurassic park was a frightening monster. The scene were the water rippled as the ferocious beast approached built suspense and fear in every movie viewer. The bigger than life body, sharp teeth and a horribly loud roar was the formula for a perfectly scary monster. The same could be said of Godzilla, the only real difference is he was loose in the city, where there were a lot more victims.

Another fiercely frightening monster is in actual fact an alien. The Predators hunt human beings as their prey, killing and mutilating their bodies. The fear factor is set in by their ability to mimic voices and set traps.

According to the above what makes a good monster is sharp teeth, cold eyes and the ability to kill anything in its path. Well done Hollywood, you will scare many more generations to come.

Lindsay Lohan Back In Action

Lindsay Lohan has been in the news quite a bit recently but not for her career as an actor or singer. She may now have cleaned up her act and has landed a role as John Gotti Jr.’s wife in Gotti: Three Generations.

She has been in and out of the cast of this film several times but now seems to be confirmed as the actress for this role.

Hollywood Reporter has said that she was initially in talks with the producers to play the daughter of John Gotti, then it was announced that she was out of that role. She was then later confirmed to play the role of John Gotti Jr.’s wife, which Kim Kardashian was also considered for.

John Travolta will be playing John Gotti and Joe Pesci will play the role of Angelo Ruggiero.

Let’s hope Lindsay can keep herself clean and out of trouble for this role and clear up her name in the public eye. She has been involved in many career damaging events and needs this role to build up her name again in Hollywood.

Box Office Preview: 21-04-2011

Welcome to our weekly preview of all the latest films that will be opening in local cinemas this weekend. Our duty is to inform you on what to see and what to avoid so that you don't spend your hard earned money on duds that should've never been given the production greenlight in the first place. Check out the full list of new releases after the jump.

While On The Subject Of Sequels...

Hollywood is unleashing a barrage of sequels upon its prey, the audience.
All this talk of sequels has prompted me to think of the sequels that should not have been made or could have been made better.



In the picture above, we see two of film's worst actors - Vin Diesel and Paul Walker, in a scene from Fast Five. Mr Diesel was good in Find Me Guilty, however. Paul Walker has been painful in many films.

Fast Five is the fifth film in the fast and furious series. It is almost guaranteed to be disgusting rubbish. The first film was quite entertaining but every sequel since has been rather stupid. I admit, the second one was watchable for eye-candy reasons.

But what other sequel crimes have been unleashed upon the Earth? Here is a short list, in no particular order.

1. Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)

This film just confuses and insults audiences with its messy plot and gargantuan action scenes.

2. Die Another Day (2002)

It's just pathetic. The Bond girl is awful. Her character is not developed at all yet she is supposed to be an equal to James Bond.

3. Speed 2: Cruise Control (1997)

The first film was original and quite entertaining. The sequel is daft. The film makers did not know what to do with it so they set the story on a ship. They lost Keannu Reeves too.

4. Legally Blonde 2: Red, White & Blonde

The premise is ridiculous. The first film was silly but it managed not to take itself too seriously. This sequel is trying to make something more of an already far-fetched idea which had gone too far.

5. The Ring Two (2005)

The first film was genuinely scary. It was fresh for Western audiences who had not seen the Japanese film on which it was based. Naomi Watts was even interesting in it. Then, this sequel came along and tried to explain the horror to us. People were not scared any more. People wanted the girl who climbed out of the television set to stop moaning. A third Ring film is set to be released next year. It will be shown in 3D. Why should we care?

6. Son of the Mask (2005)

Jim Carrey brought the comic book character to a level few fans believed was possible in the first film in 1994. Cameron Diaz made one of the best debuts in film history. The themes of the film were brilliant. People who want to bring out their inner desires often cannot control those desires when they enter reality. The Mask offered so much; even the dog was great. Then a sequel was made. It had virtually no connection with the first film. It was not funny. Alan Cumming embarrassed himself in it. He was probably better being "invincible" in Independence Day.

I could go on for ages about poor sequels but they will keep on being made.

Alistair Anderson

Lucky Number Four

2011 is the year of sequels. According to pastemagazine.com, an all time record number of sequels will be coming to theatres this year; twenty-seven sequels, prequels and remakes will be released in 2011. For me this is the year of fours: Scream 4, Pirates of the Caribbean 4, Spykids 4 and Twilight 4.

Films' Stylistic Influences

It's interesting to look closely at the relationship between fashion and film. A costume department can either make or break a film and in many ways be the reason for it's success. The new release, Water for Elephants, by Francis Lawrence is a good example of just how important the costumes is within not only the establishment of the context but sometimes even holding the film above water, that is when all the other elements that should keep the film in place may fail. 

Watch The First 5 Minutes Of Sucker Punch

Sucker Punch, the new film by 300 and Watchmen director Zack Snyder, will be released tomorrow at Nu Metro cinemas and on Friday at Ster-Kinekor. To coincide with the release, I have posted a clip showing the first 5 minutes of the film. See the full video after the jump.

The Dark Knight Rises Gets A Casting Update

The sequel to one of the most popular films in recent years has given casting details.



Joseph Gordon-Levitt's Dark Knight Rises role has been announced. He will play a Gotham Cop named John Blake who is assigned a special duty by newly promoted Comissioner Gordon, played by Gary Oldman.

Remember The Drive-In?

When was the last time you went to the drive-in? It’s quite sad to see that this way of watching movies is becoming forgotten about.

I Need A Hero

Hollywood is trying to find new action stars to begin a wave of films.

Director Of The Month Film Review: Paul Thomas Anderson - Hard Eight

Rating: 8/10 - Excellent

Released in 1996, Hard Eight is a strong start to director Paul Thomas Anderson's career. It allows John C. Reilly and Phillip Baker Hall to deliver good performances.
It also features Gwyneth Paltrow and Samuel L. Jackson.



The film is not a strict action or crime film but rather a human interest story. Anderson has shown courage by risking his debut feature, starring highly rated, if still up-and-coming actors, with an unconventional approach.

It tells the story of John played by John C Reilly, a young loser who has lost all of his money. He is feeling sorry for himself when gambling-maestro Sydney finds him, buys him coffee, and takes him to Reno. Sydney shows John how to get a free room without losing much money and to become a better gambler. Sydney's character is interesting because he has gambling skills but he also has a forced calmness which he tries to put on when acting as a father figure character to John. Sydney is actually a lonely man, looking for a family.

Years later, John meets Clementine (Gwyneth Paltrow), a cocktail waitress and sometimes hooker. The story continues to be interesting from there one.

Even if some people may not enjoy the subdued overtone of the film, John C Reilly, is my favourite element in this film, shows that he can act well in serious roles. He was strong again in Anderson's films, Boogie Nights and Magnolia, a few years later.

Perhaps, Anderson will get a leading role out of him soon but Hard Eight is a powerful ensemble.

Baker Hall also deserves to be commended.

Hard Eight launched what has proven to be an impressive career for director, Paul Thomas Anderson. He may not make films that often - his last was released film was 2007's There Will Be Blood, but he's an exceptional talent.

Alistair Anderson

Joseph Cornell And The Silent Film

Most people know Joseph Cornell as the artist who makes beautifully detailed boxes and collages assembled from found and collected objects. However not many is aware that he was also a maker of films. Unfortunately these films are notoriously difficult to see.

The South African Box Office Report

Welcome to our weekly box office report where we reveal the Top 10 films in South Africa over the last weekend. See the full chart after the jump.

No Stunt Double For Tom Cruise

On set of Mission Impossible – Ghost Protocol, the fourth of the sequel, Tom Cruise is being challenged by doing some of the stunts. Director, Brad Bird, prefers to use real action sequence instead of special effects.

Ed Norton's kiss my royal Irish ass monologue

I watched 25th Hour again yesterday. It is an exceptionally well-written film based on a book by author, David Benioff. The 2002 movie has become a cult classic, rated by popular critic, Roger Ebert, as one of the best films of the 2000s.

Edward Norton plays Monty Brogan, a convicted drug dealer who has one last day of freedom before beginning a seven-year prison sentence. He plans to spend his last night with his childhood friends Jacob Elinsky and Frank Slaughtery, his girlfriend Naturelle, and his father, James. What transpires is sharp dialogue and powerful performances from the entire cast.

But the scene which really stood out on the second viewing was when Norton says a monologue. It's open to interpretation what Benioff wanted to portray with the scene but it's very entertaining and it slags off many a "wrong" thing in New York and the world.

The 25th Hour
written by David Benioff, from his novel

(Monty walks into the bathroom. He looks in the mirror. In the bottom corner, someone's written Fuck You!)

Monty: Yeah, fuck you, too.

Monty's Reflection: Fuck me? Fuck you! Fuck you and this whole city and everyone in it.

Fuck the panhandlers, grubbing for money, and smiling at me behind my back.

Fuck squeegee men dirtying up the clean windshield of my car. Get a fucking job!

Fuck the Sikhs and the Pakistanis bombing down the avenues in decrepit cabs, curry steaming out their pores and stinking up my day. Terrorists in fucking training. Slow the fuck down!

Fuck the Chelsea boys with their waxed chests and pumped up biceps. Going down on each other in my parks and on my piers, jingling their dicks on my Channel 35.

Fuck the Korean grocers with their pyramids of overpriced fruit and their tulips and roses wrapped in plastic. Ten years in the country, still no speaky English?

Fuck the Russians in Brighton Beach. Mobster thugs sitting in cafés, sipping tea in little glasses, sugar cubes between their teeth. Wheelin' and dealin' and schemin'. Go back where you fucking came from!

Fuck the black-hatted Chassidim, strolling up and down 47th street in their dirty gabardine with their dandruff. Selling South African apartheid diamonds!

Fuck the Wall Street brokers. Self-styled masters of the universe. Michael Douglas, Gordon Gecko wannabe mother fuckers, figuring out new ways to rob hard working people blind. Send those Enron assholes to jail for fucking life! You think Bush and Cheney didn't know about that shit? Give me a fucking break! Tyco! Imclone! Adelphia! Worldcom!

Fuck the Puerto Ricans. 20 to a car, swelling up the welfare rolls, worst fuckin' parade in the city. And don't even get me started on the Dom-in-i-cans, because they make the Puerto Ricans look good.

Fuck the Bensonhurst Italians with their pomaded hair, their nylon warm-up suits, and their St. Anthony medallions. Swinging their, Jason Giambi, Louisville slugger, baseball bats, trying to audition for the Sopranos.

Fuck the Upper East Side wives with their Hermés scarves and their fifty-dollar Balducci artichokes. Overfed faces getting pulled and lifted and stretched, all taut and shiny. You're not fooling anybody, sweetheart!

Fuck the uptown brothers. They never pass the ball, they don't want to play defense, they take fives steps on every lay-up to the hoop. And then they want to turn around and blame everything on the white man. Slavery ended one hundred and thirty seven years ago. Move the fuck on!

Fuck the corrupt cops with their anus violating plungers and their 41 shots, standing behind a blue wall of silence. You betray our trust!

Fuck the priests who put their hands down some innocent child's pants. Fuck the church that protects them, delivering us into evil. And while you're at it, fuck JC! He got off easy! A day on the cross, a weekend in hell, and all the hallelujahs of the legioned angels for eternity! Try seven years in fuckin Otisville, Jay!

Fuck Osama bin Laden, al-Qaeda, and backward-ass, cave-dwelling, fundamentalist assholes everywhere. On the names of innocent thousands murdered, I pray you spend the rest of eternity with your seventy-two whores roasting in a jet-fueled fire in hell. You towel headed camel jockeys can kiss my royal, Irish ass!

Fuck Jacob Elinski, whining malcontent.

Fuck Francis Xavier Slaughtery, my best friend, judging me while he stares at my girlfriend's ass.

Fuck Naturel Rivera. I gave her my trust and she stabbed me in the back. Sold me up the river. Fucking bitch.

Fuck my father with his endless grief, standing behind that bar. Sipping on club soda, selling whiskey to firemen and cheering the Bronx Bombers.

Fuck this whole city and everyone in it. From the row houses of Astoria to the penthouses on Park Avenue. From the projects in the Bronx to the lofts in Soho. From the tenements in Alphabet City to the brownstones in Park slope to the split levels in Staten Island. Let an earthquake crumble it. Let the fires rage. Let it burn to fuckin ash then let the waters rise and submerge this whole, rat-infested place.

Monty: No. No, fuck you, Montgomery Brogan. You had it all and then you threw it away, you dumb fuck!

(He takes a breath and tries to rub away the words.)

Source: http://www.whysanity.net/monos/25th.html

Alistair Anderson

Rio #1

Last Saturday (9 April) I reviewed the highly anticipated Rio in 3D and now, according to mtv.com, the two little birds enjoyed the biggest debut of 2011. Yes, it’s true that the year is still only in its fourth month, but with an opening weekend of $40 million dollars Rio most definitely took flight. It beat out its two animated rivals Rango and Hop and put Scream 4 firmly in its number two place with $19.2 million.

According to commingsoon.net in comparison, Fox opened Blue Sky's Dr. Seuss' Horton Hears a Who to $45 million in March 2008 and Robots to $36 million three years earlier. Dreamworks’ How to train your dragon grossed $43 million its opening weekend March 2010. Rio is thus following the very popular animated trend and is respectfully holding its own. Internationally, Rio continued to do well, adding another $53.5 million, bringing its total worldwide gross to $168 million in just ten days.

Rio features the voices of Anne Hatheway (Jewel), Jesse Eisenberg (Blu) and the comedic charmer George Lopez (Rafael). If you have not yet seen this colourful display of animation, go do so this Easter weekend.

Cowboys & Aliens Trailer 2

Universal Pictures have recently released the 2nd trailer for their upcoming blockbuster Cowboys & Aliens by Iron Man 1 & 2 director Jon Favreau. See the full trailer after the jump.